Ramblings

Excuse this post. I'll go ahead and say I'm not promising it will make sense to you reading it. It will, however, make sense to me as I write, which is a weird process. My thoughts tend to get ahead of my typing and by the time I try to think what to write next, the thought flies out. of. my. head. Dern, flying thoughts. Do know that I mean well though!

Can I say that I am so excited for having a few new siesta friends? The Lord is being good to me, because He knows I need all the encouragement I can get nowadays! I also realized that I don't have to wait for friends to come to me (well, duh. but sometimes I swear I'm shy!), I can also go find some. So if I appear leaving you a comment on your blog and you've never heard of me before, I promise I'm not a crazy girl! Well, not too bad crazy. Perhaps a little. But it's all because of the coffee.

Seguing now (Now isn't that a funny word? I'm not even sure I spelled it right, which is bad for a soon to be teacher, but y'all it looks funky!) to more spiritual things. I've been reading some people's blogs, just browsing, and God's been revealing things to me. And it's great that He does that. Some of y'all out there have no clue who I am, but you don't even know how much you've motivated me already. It's such a great priviledge to have this type of godly, Christian women who share their lives and tidbits about God. I only hope that God can use me in some small way by this blog.

One thing that God had put on my heart lately is mine and His' relationship. First off, you have to know somethign about me. I have a wonderful, Christian family. I've grown up in church my entire life, heard all the sermons and Bible stories (Hey, I could probably spout off information like that in my sleep!). Yet, it's only been a few short years since I finally understood what God did for me, sending His Son to die for me. I think for so long I had relied on my family's good standing in the church to stand for mine and His' relationship. Yeah, I knew all the Bible stories, so why read them again at home? Thank the Lord He opened my eyes to what it is all about. I started reading my Bible, though not as much as I probably should have, started leading the youth group, which had fizzled out and had no leader. And my heart continually got stronger for Him and His works. I am a completely different person inside that I was 2 or 3 years ago. It is an AMAZING feeling, one I can get from only One person.

Lately though, I've been feeling His push on my soul about our relationship. I think He's making me look at it, scrutinizing it more than I ever have before. Yes, I know Him. And I talk to Him daily. But the question that pops up is, do I really understand how great this relationship has the possibility of being? Am I missing out on something spectacular all because I'm not listening enough? One thing I've realized over these past few months is how much MORE being a Christian can mean than I've realized. It's hard to put into words, but after realizing that I live completely and utterly for Him and to do His works, the world seems like a bigger and brighter place. Things that seemed so important to me now seem mundane.

Yet, for most of my life, I've modeled my relationship with Him after other people that I know. I think I've done this for so long, I see these people and their relationship with Him and strive for that(which is not always a bad thing, but not always a good thing either!). And now I want my relationship to be MORE than that. It's like He's hitting me over the head saying, "Don't worry about them! It's all about US! I'm as big as you make me, or as small!" And Lord, I want you to be the BIGGEST thing in my life. Please, don't ever let me make You smaller than You are! I want my relationship to grow leaps and bounds now. I want to open up completely to what He has for me.

Sometimes it is hard to explain to others what I mean by this. My community is an older one with people set in their ways. I'm not trying to judge their relationship, but when you admit that you don't read your Bible, you are in a rut. Well, I'm breaking the mold. And only the Lord can help me.

And now I'm getting kicked off the computer. I'm off to do homework. Anbody who actually read all of this...thanks. :)

~Sarah